Gardening for Idiots


I like gardening, but I’m no expert!  Oh sure, I read, I observe, I ask questions, but invariably something will happen that no one ever expected.  A cold summer, a dry August,  the windy season from Hell, and many more things can happen during your beloved growing season.  Not to mention when seed is slow to sprout, or sprouts way too early.  It might seem like all you need to do is put your plant in the dirt and water it, but that’s not even “Gardening for Idiots!”  To be an efficient home gardener, you have to know a bunch of tricks, and always have to have a plan from seed to storage.

When people come see my garden, they always assume I’m an overflowing font of scientific knowledge about the whole process.  I tell them that all the knowledge in the world doesn’t teach you what to do when thinks don’t go as planned.  Visitors always comment on how I have so many plants and all of them look healthy.  The amazement of the weed-free beds or, well,almost weed-free beds.  They are astounded by the variety of plants and the many patches I have all over my property.  The point is always made about how bad they are at gardening and how great I am.  It’s then that I teach them gardening for Idiots.

I plan my garden in the winter, and most of my plants are grown from seed.  By following this pattern, each plant is vastly cheaper than buying grown plants at the garden store.   I don’t do this because I’m smart, I do this because I’m cheap!  I grow many more plants than can fit in my all my patches.  I put the extra plants in 4-gallon pots, and use them to replace any dead of dying plant.  Having spare plants ready to transplant is the most efficient way to use the space in your garden.  Weeds? We get rid of them the old fashioned way - we pull them!  Lastly, soil nutrients get used up, so using an organic fertilizer is needed for any healthy garden. 

The fact is, that humans have been farming for thousands of years and the idea that it’s too difficult for anyone to do is just hilarious!  Gardening is all about effort, more effort, and luck!  The plain fact is that I can spend more time working in the garden than others, but that doesn’t guarantee results. Nothing does!  My friend, Ed, just throws stuff in his tiny patch in the back of his duplex and it grows to monstrous proportions, all with no effort. WTF! 

So my “idiotic” friends, just accept that for you to have your own garden, it’s going to take work and luck, but the veggies and fruits you grow will be the most delicious things you have ever tasted - try it!