My father was interviewed by a writer for the NY Times in 1963 and was followed by a piece about a retiring tennis great.  In the interview, Sidney, my dad, said that he wanted his son to be a tennis player.  The article was framed and given to my Nana, and then found its way to me after she died.  The article was a constant reminder of my dad’s aspirations and dreams for me.  Growing up, I believed that I was going to be one of the great tennis players. Boy, was I wrong.

In my first three tennis tournaments I lost my first match 6-0 6-0.  I was terrible!  I did not quit.  I worked twice as hard and in my next match, I sprained my ankle in the first set tiebreaker, it was all downhill from there.  I started crying on the court and my father took my racquet from me and slapped my face.  I didn’t play another tournament for more than three years and only on a dare.  I wasn’t wired to be a great tennis player, I was good and had an excellent serve and volley, but I had no idea what being great was and I didn’t know how to get there.  At 53, I still strive to be good on the court, I hit harder and more consistent, but I lack that spark that makes someone uniquely great.  I love tennis but it’s not my destiny, it’s my classroom.

I played Dungeons and Dragons for the first time when I was 15 and fell in love immediately. Over the almost 40 years of playing, I have tried to make a business out of it several times.  Each time, I stick with each project to the end.  Unfortunately, no project has succeeded in making money and has lead to me losing friends in the process.  Like tennis, I really enjoy doing it, but I lack the skill or acumen to create a profit.  The amazing thing is I enjoy both more today than the first time I did each of them.  The most disappointing thing is that helpers and onlookers alike see my failures and see that they are not from lack dedication or work, but was just bad luck.  I think maybe it wasn’t my destiny.

I learned to write at a late age, and mastered the art much later.  To me, writing was a form of magic and I was desperate to decode it.  Throughout middle school and most of high school, my writing was at the lowest end of functional.  The 10th grade found me at a new school and a new tutor to work with me on English.  It all came together there and then, and I became a writer.  Since then I have written hundreds of D&D adventures and short stories.  I’ve written dozens of scripts - one I made into a comic.  I was even submitting articles to a regional magazine.  Still no money for my efforts, it seems that my best efforts into the things I love yield nothing to anyone but me.

Maybe I’ll never know my destiny, maybe there is none.  The fact is that we live in a world of commerce and without money, you struggle.  “Flow like water” the Tao says.  Am I where I am destined to be? Was my destiny to stop judging my worth by my wealth and I had to fail to learn?  I’m unclear about my destiny but I’m clear that love and caring are enduring and beautiful.  More importantly, those who gift their love and caring to you are your greatest gift.